2011. Twen-ty-e-lev-en. I like the way it slips off the tongue, like a smooth wine suspends in the mouth. I think I’m going to like this year. At least, I have an unexplained, insistent hope for it.
After certain little girls had eyelashes to cheek, their little chests bobbing softly in the night, the hubby and I had one of those talks that will live on in the memory. One of those talks where the gate of honesty is unlatched and its hinges rotate to wide-open. We talked of dreams, some new, some that have been buried deep, assumed to be impossible. We talked of our life story and how we wish we could go back and rewrite so many of its chapters. We talked a lot about “what-ifs”. What if this hadn’t happened, or what if we had made this decision, or what if so-and-so hadn’t done such-and-such, or what if the timing had been just a tad different, or what if, what if, what if?
I’m not really sure what to do with the what-ifs.
I don’t think you can stash them away in hopes that they’ll be forgotten. I think they’d always lurk at your door and barge in when least invited.
I think that maybe we have to look them straight in the face. Unblinkingly. And we either have to come to grips with the fact that things happened a certain way, or we have to ask God to redeem them through us. Or maybe both?
We don’t have the power to change the past, but we do have the power to change the present and the future. And even more than that, we know One who either wrote our past to lead up to a certain future, or He allowed our past and is in the process of working it out for good. Either way, I refuse to let the what-ifs paralyze us.
And while I struggle in understanding the ideas of free will verses God-ordained-destiny and wondering how they package up -nicely and neatly – I know that I can trust Him. As C.S. Lewis said about Aslan, God is not always safe. He does not always allow things to be as I would wish them to be. But, he is good. And I believe that with all my heart.
Maybe we need to stop dwelling on the what-ifs of the past, and begin thinking about the what-ifs of the present.
What if God is calling us to do this? What if God wants us to do that? What if He’s paving the way for this?
And our eyes open wide as the what-ifs of the past give way to new roads for our future.
So, as 2011 begins, I am more thankful than ever for my life. And I don’t just mean my living and breathing and moving body and mind. I mean that I am thankful for the story He is writing and that I am a part of it. And so are you, my friend.
So are you.
#115 no fear in honesty with him or from him
#116 awakened dreams at the beginning of a new year
#117 while viewing Tangled at the theater, at the part where Rapunzel escapes the tower for the first time, hearing Firefly frantically and loudly say , “But her mama said ‘no’!” =D
#118 a little girl asleep in their daddy’s arms
#119 laughing with girlfriends
#120 brand new, fluffy, blue and white pillows
#121 one last hurrah
#122 falling in love with where we are
#123 bath-crayon drawings
#124 Dove’s love for bears
#125 a rock garden of Christmas lights
#126 time alone
#127 that I miss seeing the red buckets
#128 lingering, simply to cuddle
#129 fresh motivation
#130 that there is One who knows our what-ifs, past and present
#131 that He closes doors and opens windows