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Wielding

It is a bit humbling to write this. But it is me  . . . it is where I am today and writing anything else would leave me feeling like a hypocrite.

 

Because the knot is forming in the pit of my stomach again. Insecurities I’ve fought for years, resurfacing. I keep thinking that maybe, just maybe, I’m getting past them. And then there they are again, like the Loch Ness Monster arching his head out of the lake.

 

And that monster feeds me lies. I fight, my head shaking back and forth, refusing to open myself to his offerings. But his lies can slip in through the skin, right to the heart.

 

You are not enough for your husband.

You’re only half a mother.

You can’t get your act together.

What do you think you’re doing writing in a public space?

 

He’s a crafty monster. You can pretty much bet that his lies will always carry a bit of truth. Why else would we be tempted to believe them?  Because he’s right.

 

I am not enough.

 

But I am.

 

Because He, the God of all light and truth, is the Limit-Breaker. He can defy our weakness with all the power of His strength.

 

It is not enough to simply ignore the lies of the Accuser. One cannot take an isolationist viewpoint with him. No. The sword of truth must be unsheathed.

 

One stronger than I helps me wield it.

 

Today, I must, simply must, be thankful for truth.

 

Numbering the ways I am thankful . . . He is our Victory:

 

#148  That he is crushed by His heel

#149 That if I am resting in Him, finding my strength in Him . . . He is enough and therefore, I am more than enough.

#150 It is God who arms me with strength and keeps my way secure. Psalm 18:32

#151 The Lord is my strength and my shield…. Ps. 28:7

#152 He that is in me is greater than he that is in the world. 1 John 4:4

#153 That He invites me to be strong in Him and in His mighty power. Eph. 6

#154 That He makes me stand. Eph. 6

#154 That I am God’s special possession. 1 Pet. 2:9

#155 That His mercies are new every morning.

#156 That He is making all things new.

#157 That He transforms by the renewing of the mind. Rom. 12:2

#158 That He is Light. In Him there is no darkness at all. 1 John 4:5

#159 That He who began a good work, will be sure to complete it. Phil. 1:6

#160 That He can be trusted. His word, His work in me, is truth.

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6 responses »

  1. I can identify with your insecurities, and I can feel your resolve in your gratitude list today!

    Yes, we must definitely talk piano! I am trying to work piano back into my life and actually practiced some Bach over my lunch hour–my fingers felt like they needed a few squirts of WD-40, but it was still so wonderful to be playing again.

    Take care, Audra, and have a great week! And remember to come back to this list–it’s a good one–whenever you start feeling those insecurities. 🙂

  2. THANK YOU, Nina. 🙂

    I rarely get time to *truly* practice these days. I get lots of “help” from 20 other little fingers. 😉 But I’m glad. 🙂

  3. How awesome that these “thankful” things are backed up by scripture!?!? You are such a gift to me, friend. Thank you for this list of truth and inspiration.

  4. I so enjoy your blog. I have subscribed to receive it by email since sometimes I can’t do more than just download email where i live. thanks for your vulnerability and honesty in your writing. It is rare these days.

    I also listened to the short ad for One Thousand Gifts. How is this book related to you? Is this your story? the story of a friend? I hope to be able to purchase this book.

    I just wanted to say thanks and that others are being blessed through your struggles . God will use it all to bring glory to Him if you just continue to allow Him to use you. thank you.

    Sandi

  5. Hi, Sandi! Thanks for your comments. I’m so glad He uses the ugly, hard, difficult parts of us to encourage others. Only He can do this!

    As far as One Thousand Gifts though, no it is not my story, nor my book. And I wish I was real-life friends with the author (she doesn’t know it, but I *feel* like we’re friends!), but we’re only connected through the internet. =D The book is written by the author of this blog: http://www.aholyexperience.com/. If you have not read her blog, oh, you will love it. Ann Voskamp is raw in the most beautiful way. I link to her blog on Mondays because she began a Gratitude Community. On Mondays, whoever wishes to do so, recounts their thanks, counting the ways He loves us.

    Thank you Sandi, and thanks SO much for sharing your encouraging words!

  6. It was a life or death situation today. Well, not LITERALLY, but you know what I mean. 🙂

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