This space feels empty to me and it makes me a little sad. There’s a lot on my mind (maybe future posts in the making?), but this Life full of its own (very real) limits is busy learning how to manage a life of new, seemingly small, mommy-ing things….
Like Firefly phasing out of naptimes, but still desperately needing one. Even with a “quiet time” in her room early in the afternoon, by 5:00, she is a basket-case. I mean, can’t-stop-crying kind of tired. By 6:00, she is a jumping-around-the-house-singing-at-the-top-of-her-lungs kind of hyper, merely trying to keep herself awake.What bothers me about this the most, is that I find myself losing my temper a lot more than usual….
Like Firefly having neighbor friends knock on the door to ask if she can play outside (wasn’t I just the one going door to door trying to find a friend, free to play?!). Having times where she is completely independent is a little freeing (a whole new era!) and a little saddening at the same time. It’s only a small step in letting her go. Letting her branch out and play all on her own and prove herself . . . or maybe not. It’s never too early to pray for good influences and that she will be one herself.
The youngest cutting down to one naptime, when she still desperately needs two (are you catching my theme here? -grin-). She’s also learning to play on her own a little bit, while Firefly’s romping around outside with friends…. She’s learning to be the little one, poor thing, while all the big kids are playing outside. We usually make it outside too, but for some reason, I don’t have quite as much time to play around with the neighborhood kids, so we’re not outside as much as Dovey would like to be.
Like trying to be a better meal planner. I cleaned out the fridge a couple of days ago and it literally made me sick to think about how much money I threw in the trash can! I am always beating myself up, chiding myself that our grocery expenses should be better. Silly me. Maybe it’s not the grocery shopping that needs more tweaking? I’ve suddenly realized that I have *got* to be better about making sure we eat up more leftovers, or freeze them, or SOMETHING! The hubby’s not too keen on leftovers (don’t tell him, but . . . shhhh . . . neither am I), so I think I need to do more freezing. Maybe I’ll start cooking for “tonight’s” meal, and “next Thursday’s” meal, instead of cooking for two nights of the same meal, back to back.
It all sounds so small and trite, doesn’t it? Not anything huge to learn to navigate, right? But of course, as much as I want to be transparent and all “Upside Down” of a blogger, there are some things that can’t and shouldn’t be shared on the world wide web. So of course there are the things, the day-in and day-out kinds of things, of marriage, and possibilities, and struggles, and hurts, and plans, and joys, and surrendering, and steps of faith with no assurances of the destination, and all the wrestling there goes with that, and all the praying, and everything that every single person on this planet deals with every. single. day.
So while, this blog remains a little quiet, there is an unseen step-by-step life, just like yours. I find that sometimes, there is a time to write it all out (and oh, how I always want to!), and sometimes, there is a time to simply be still and ponder and let the Potter twirl this life around for a few days on end, feeling His fingertips groove into me, smoothing and shaping and cupping and emptying and filling.
Just spinning right now.
Round and round.
His Hands cup.
I learn to like the grooves.