RSS Feed

Looking to Morning

Posted on

I am not what I should be.

I have not been what I want to be.

I murmur and complain.

I tear down and I berate.

I try to muster up energy.

Try to get through the day.

Just try to make it ’til bedtime.

But this is not how I’ve been called to live.

This is not how I give life.

I plead with Him.

For Him to speak love through my lips.

Lift UP in my correction.

Bring sweetness in our togetherness.

Bring joy in our daily living of life.

For me to capture all the moments I feel slipping.

Slipping through these hands . . . these memories.

The little one singing “Jesus Loves Me” and

“The Rain in Spain.”

My firstborn, so excited about her approaching birthday that she skips through the produce aisle, much to my frustration.

The sand in the bottom of the tub and all over the kitchen floor.

All the pink and the love of cold bedsheets and stuffed animals.

The way they want to show me EVERYTHING.

What a gift that they would run to show me?

And how often I don’t even look, but still murmur,

“Mmhmm . . . that’s great.”

Sometimes, the hardest, most tiring of days, are the days I just wish I could go and live all over.

Because it’s usually on those days

that I’ve missed it.

Focused on what doesn’t matter,

or what interests

ME,

or simply just focused on

all

that constantly

needs

done.

And I just wish I could press “rewind.”

This day.

And yes, my muscles are sore.

But I wish I’d pushed a few more swings.

And yes, my brain is tired,

but I wish I’d read more than one book.

And yes, the room is clean,

 but I soiled her sweet heart in between all my griping and hurrying.

Renew my heart.

Pour the oil of gladness in this ungrateful mama’s heart.

That I may fill up the hearts of these little ones.

Firefly turns four this weekend.

I’m not ready for this.

I want to live this day over.

His mercies are new every morning.

Advertisements

5 responses »

  1. The happiest of days to your sweet Firefly! What grace is breathed in your words today–grace I need to hear.

  2. Thank you, sweet Beth. 🙂

  3. I am all too familiar with this refrain of regret, and my Abby turns four next month. . . Good thing there is daily grace for us both.

  4. Ah, yes! i need my daily (or hourly, or minutely) dose!

  5. Every mama’s heart cry…
    Stil this mama’s heart cry…
    To truly LIVE in the moments…
    They pass all too quickly…
    Some I fill up with junk and stuff…
    Trying always to cling to the ones I fill up with love.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: