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Category Archives: Grief

This was the week that I had in my head that our third baby would be here. I never did get a due date, but my heart feels it this week. It’s funny how our subconscious feels grief, but manifests through seemingly unrelated things.

I snap at my children more this week. I am on ecstatic highs, and on the brink of tears. My arms suddenly feel very empty. I dream of a dear, older friend this week . . . she’s been in heaven for nearly a year and was old enough to be my grandmother. But I dream she has a new baby. I realize somewhere in the course of the next afternoon, that she was holding my baby.

Some might argue that a barely fertilized egg was ever a baby. It was never human, they say. Sometimes people very close to you say these things. But you’re the Mama. And you know. Some “thing” so little, some thing you would have done anything to save, some thing you cry for in the middle of the night, is more than some thing. Regardless of the science, there must be some way that a love so fierce and strong somehow gives honor to life created by love and gives it more life. If all I did was give my baby just enough life to live in the beautiful Presence of God forever, then it was all worth it.

There are others close to me, touched by death on this day. My heart aches for them. But all I can sing is, the last verse of You’re Beautiful.

I see Your face in every sunrise
The colors of the morning are inside Your eyes
The world awakens in the light of the day
I look up to the sky and say
You’re beautiful

I see Your power in the moonlit night
Where planets are in motion and galaxies are bright
We are amazed in the light of the stars
It’s all proclaiming who You are
You’re beautiful, You’re beautiful

I see You there hanging on a tree
You bled and then You died and then You rose again for me
Now You are sitting on Your heavenly throne
Soon we will be coming home
You’re beautiful, You’re beautiful

When we arrive at eternity’s shore
Where death is just a memory and tears are no more
We’ll enter in as the wedding bells ring
Your bride will come together and we’ll sing
You’re beautiful

I see Your face,
You’re beautiful, You’re beautiful, You’re beautiful

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Outstretched for our Glory Baby

How do you share on a blog that you just lost a baby? How do you write anything else without sharing that you just lost a baby? There’s not much I feel like I can write yet, but the day after I wrote my last post, we discovered that we were blessed with our third baby. A few weeks later, we were told, we would not be raising that baby, that it was already gone. It has been a long and difficult month and a half, but we’re still here, recovering from emotional and physical heartache, but thankful for this week and the Christmas upcoming.

 

We are celebrating God with us. And our baby with Him. There lies the tie that binds.

 

And sometimes, music says it better….

 

(I have no ties to this fundraising effort – just thought hearing the song would be better than simply posting lyrics. The statistics are stunning, however)

Glory Baby

by WaterMark

Glory baby you slipped away as fast as we could say baby…baby..
You were growing, what happened dear?
You disappeared on us baby…baby..
Heaven will hold you before we do
Heaven will keep you safe until we’re home with you…
Until we’re home with you…

Miss you everyday
Miss you in every way
But we know there’s a
day when we will hold you
We will hold you
You’ll kiss our tears away
When we’re home to stay
Can’t wait for the day when we will see you
We will see you
But baby let sweet Jesus hold you
‘till mom and dad can hold you…
You’ll just have heaven before we do
You’ll just have heaven before we do

Sweet little babies, it’s hard to
understand it ‘cause we’re hurting
We are hurting
But there is healing
And we know we’re stronger people through the growing
And in knowing-
That all things work together for our good
And God works His purposes just like He said He would…
Just like He said He would…

BRIDGE:
I can’t imagine heaven’s lullabies
and what they must sound like
But I will rest in knowing, heaven is your home
And it’s all you’ll ever know…all you’ll ever know…