I wring my hands a lot.
Not really outwardly so much. But inwardly, I’ve been a girl given to anxiety and fear. The Lord opened my eyes to this about a year ago . . . suddenly I saw how fear chains me, shoves me down and straddles me there. It’s not pretty. But I am thankful for the eye-opener because now I know my enemy.
The fear isn’t of the Boogey Man…. Spiders? YES.
No, this fear is a lot of wondering. A lot of analyzing. A lot of debating. A lot of comparing. Always worried that I’ve made the wrong choice about something, or how maybe I’m missing the boat somewhere, or how I just know we’re pushing ourselves toward the brink of disaster.
These are strong chains, however self-imposed.
I’ll think I’ve shaken them off and something out of the blue pops into life and that one fear/worry twitches those chains off in that dark corner, and like a boa-constrictor, they climb their way up over my heart and head until I am one anxious, bent-over girl.
Tonight, it hits me that of all the current worries and fears swirling around in my head, there is not *one* thing I’ve actually been convicted about. It boils down to basically my fear of messing up . . . or even messing up relationship.
Suddenly, I realize that the guy-with-the-name-that-begins-with-S is having a hay-day. Hay. Day. Or is it Hey-Day? You know what I mean. 🙂
I tell him to shut up.
And I pray that if there’s something I really need to change, or an area where I truly am bringing disaster upon myself, or my family (yes, I’m saying this a tad tongue-in-cheek – just a tad) that He will open up my eyes and rescue us from that. But otherwise, I just need to stop listening to all the what-if’s and you-should-have’s. Suddenly, I realize that what I want Jesus to say when I reach His presence, is “Well done, Good and Faithful Servant.” Nothing else.
He doesn’t ask me to make all the perfect, right decisions or to make sure that nothing, ever in my life ever fails. He just wants me to be faithful.
Am I being faithful?
I open my Bible to I don’t care where. I just know I need a nugget of truth. And what do you know but I land on Deuteronomy 10:12 -15?
“Now Israel, what does the Lord your God require from you, but to fear the Lord your God, to walk in all His ways and love Him, and to serve the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul, and to keep the Lord’s commandments and His statutes which I am commanding you today for your good? Behold, to the Lord your God belong heaven and the highest heavens, the earth and all that is in it. Yet on your fathers did the Lord set His affection to love them, and He chose their descendants after them, even you above all peoples, as it is this day.”
He wants me to fear Him, to walk in Him and love Him and to serve Him. To keep His commandments. I so want to do all of these things. And I know that when I fail, Jesus covers me.
I am His.
And so are you.